I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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