Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
