Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This house was built for laser tag.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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