Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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