I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
