You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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