a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
