guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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