i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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