And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
