Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
