this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
