I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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