you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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