It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
