Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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