My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
