the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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