its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
