Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this just has baby written all over it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
