Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
