Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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