I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
