Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
