I didn't shave. On purpose
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
