Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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