marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
