I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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