I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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