Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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