i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
