I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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