Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
