every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
