it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
