I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
