first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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