no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
