I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
