I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
