Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
