I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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