Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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