If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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