11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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