You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
