so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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