am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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