Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
