Yo dont text me then not text me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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