so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
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