bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
