i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
